If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
You have worked beside him for six years. You know how he takes his coffee and which calls get under his skin. Lately something is wrong. He has been quiet in the truck, short with everyone, and last week he made a comment about not caring if he came home that did not sound like a joke. You keep meaning to say something. You keep not saying it.
Plenty of people in public safety have stood in that spot. Police officers, firefighters, paramedics, corrections officers and dispatchers spend long hours together and learn to read each other. That closeness means peers are often the first to notice when a colleague is sliding into depression, sometimes long before family or supervisors see it. It also means peers are in a powerful position to help.
Why the direct question matters
When we are worried about someone, the instinct is to circle around the subject. We ask if they are doing okay, accept "I'm fine," and move on. But hints and soft questions are easy to deflect, especially for people trained to keep it together.
The most helpful approach is the most direct one: ask about suicide using that word. Suicide prevention guidance is consistent on this point. Asking does not plant the idea or push someone closer. It tells the person you see them, you are not afraid of the answer, and they do not have to carry it alone.
What to look for first
You do not need proof before you ask. Concern is enough. But it helps to know the common signs:
- Talking about being a burden or feeling hopeless
- Comments about dying, not being around, or not caring what happens
- A personality change: quieter, angrier, more reckless
- Pulling away from the crew, skipping the usual gatherings
- More drinking, or showing up looking like they have not slept
- Getting affairs in order, or giving away belongings
- A recent loss, a hard call, a divorce or a disciplinary issue weighing on them
How to ask
Find a private moment, away from the crew and not in front of the radio. Be plain and calm. You might say: "I've noticed you seem really down lately, and that thing you said last week stuck with me. I need to ask: are you thinking about killing yourself?"
Then stop talking and wait. Silence is okay. Let them answer in their own time.
If they say no, you can still tell them you are around if that changes. If they say yes, stay calm and stay with them. Thank them for being honest. Do not try to argue them out of how they feel, and do not promise to keep it a secret. Help them reach 988 by calling or texting together, right then. If they are in immediate danger, call 911.
It is also fine to ask about safety at home. If there are firearms, you can encourage your coworker to have them stored securely, or held by someone outside the home for a while, during this stretch.
Pointing toward private care
Many first responders resist getting help because they assume it will end up at work. When you talk with a peer, you can point out that a clinician they choose on their own is separate from the department, and that they can ask the clinic about privacy, records and billing before deciding anything.
You can remind them that depression is treatable and recovery is possible. They do not have to figure out the path alone, and they do not have to be fixed in a day.
Spravato, one option among several
If your coworker is an adult whose depression has reached acute suicidal thoughts, a clinician might discuss one prescription option along with other care. Spravato (esketamine) is a nasal spray the FDA has approved, taken along with an oral antidepressant, to treat depressive symptoms in adults with major depressive disorder who have acute suicidal thoughts or behavior. It is also approved for treatment-resistant depression. It is not a crisis treatment: it does not replace emergency care or a hospital stay when one is needed, and it has not been shown to prevent suicide or to reduce suicidal thoughts or behavior. It is given only in a certified clinic under a safety program called the Spravato REMS. The patient takes it there under supervision, stays at least two hours to be monitored, and does not drive until the next day after a full night of sleep. It is never dispensed for home use. Whether it fits is a clinician's decision after an evaluation.
Remember the comment in the truck that did not sound like a joke? A concrete next step can help a reluctant peer say yes. You might mention that some clinics offering this treatment hold a free 30-minute consultation, where your coworker can ask whether an evaluation makes sense without committing to anything. Offer to drive, or to wait outside. Sometimes knowing a friend from the job is out there is what gets someone through the door.
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.